This sort of piggybacks off the Mindful Gratitude Out on the Course exercise I posted previously, just taking it a step further. I think an important approach to golf is to set out beforehand with unconditional joy, basically an affirmation that you will enjoy the round regardless of the outcome. Think about being on the first tee, what’s on your mind? Maybe a swing thought or two, strategy for the hole, setting an expected score in your head (hopefully not). In that moment, have you ever told yourself “I’m going to enjoy this round of golf”? It may seem silly, but affirmations like this can really help our state of mind because actively thinking it helps make it so. For example, this morning I played in a fog, literally. Couldn’t see more than 100 yards in front of me, so I set off with nothing more than the idea that I was going to enjoy being out there and that’s all that matters.
What do you think? Is there enough joy in your game right now?
In my experience this has become easier as I’ve gotten older. Priorities shift. The score becomes less life and death. I’m sure all other parents would agree that it gets harder and harder to shake free once the kiddos are in the picture, so we have to be grateful every time we get out to the course. The joy becomes just getting the chance to play. Not the result. Allowing yourself (myself) to feel that joy has made me a better golfer.
It has taken me a while to get close to this and I’m still not fully there yet. Learning the grip that PTSD really has over my mind and learning how to control it has been huge for me. It has brought me to mindfulness and being in the moment. It has brought me to meditation and joy of life. I still have conditions to my joy on the golf course though, but they are definitely getting lesser and lesser.
Doesn’t work for me. Just too competitive by nature.
What I am working on though is the self talk and maturity when things go bad:
- something good is just about to happen
- close out strong, be tough
- hit a great shot here, make a great par save
I’ve kind of shifted my focus to being gritty. So if I play bad but stay tough and stay in the fight, I feel satisfaction. If I totally lose my game and go off the rails I am just not going to have a good time. I’ll be extra disappointed if there are mental errors or I kind of give up.
To each their own
Age is a huge part of it. But I also imagine trying to tell my 15 or even 25-year-old self to do this and thinking no way. I know from enough experience now that my best rounds happen with low expectations and just enjoying the round. The sweet spot is finding the joy while also being able to focus and hit the shots.
When I first got married I would occasionally sulk after around my wife asked why I even played, and I said “because I loved it”, and she said it didn’t always seem like it. Now that I only play a few times a month I definitely try to make the most of it and never hang my head when I get back home. Instead of thinking of the shots that cost me strokes, I try to think of the shots that saved me and helped me post a score. I think of the 4-5 hours in nature away from the kids and the noise, and the time with friends.
Don’t get me wrong, losing still sucks and I love competing, but any day golfing is a net positive.
I think there is a reverse bell curve with age on this one. When young kids play with joy unless it is forced out of them by parents/coaches, then we get a bit older and start putting expectations on ourselves. Older still and hopefully we can regain the perspective back.
I’d probably argue that joy just looks different for you. That motivation you get out of the competition inherent to the game is a type of joy, just not the stereotypical kind. It can still be harnessed when things are going off the rails though.
That makes sense. You just won’t ever find me sitting on a park bench saying “life is like a box of chocolates” 
Yep, totally agree. My kid is 7, and loves playing, and probably isn’t as good as he could be by now if I pushed him harder. But he still started early, and enjoys it, and I don’t want to coach the joy out of him.
I imagine never losing at a game in Vegas makes experiencing less than perfect results on the golf course a difficult situation. Really not your fault.
Before changing my mindset and viewpoint of golf, my wife gave me some tough love basically saying she didn’t want to hear it anymore, nothing was ever good enough etc. And she was right it really did sound like I hated golf.
Lol
The longer I’ve been playing, and the more I play and the (incrementally) better I get - the more and more I’m able to internalize that … no: I’m not a great golfer and have a LOT to learn, plus yeah: golf is hard … so getting down on myself is (literally) counterproductive; ie. we learn better and faster when we enjoy what we’re doing! (read “The Talent Code”)
But if we’re being honest, no I’m not happy when I hit a “bad” shot … but I do try to learn from it, and then fix my attitude and move on
Yes! I’m in love with the game, and feel like I’m cheating getting older and my disability! The course itself is beautiful, I don’t have to mow or weed it, LOL! And although it’s early days yet, there’s so much to learn and I do actually see progress. What’s not to like, is my general outlook.
I love golf so much, and I love every part of it, which, paradoxically, includes when I play so bad that I become angry, sad, listless, and despondent. One of the things I love most about it is learning and improving and getting better. I don’t think I would have as much joy if I was just trying to be blissed out the whole time. I love the struggle. The bad days make the good days better. So I think that’s how we can love it and hate it at the same time.
I had a low point around mid 2018 where I’d been practising so much since 2016 and gradually getting worse (hdcp 18 to 22 in 0.1 increments per comp) that I considered giving up. I’d sulk off after comps rather than stick around the clubhouse as is the norm, as I was in such a gloom I assumed no one would want my company. I was still in a gloom when I got home and continued into the start of the next week when I’d cleared my mind and reflected back on my round (picking out 2-3 improvement areas). My family stopped asking how I’d gotten on, instead leaving it to my body language to know that I’d played well.
I don’t know if a specific thing changed this but I now go to play with zero expectations if I can, try to have an attitude of gratitude and try to be more mindful. I got my hdcp back down to 19.5 this year, but generally I am enjoying the game more. Maybe if I can achieve a pure zen like mindset I’ll crack it 
That’s great to hear, mindset is one factor in golf that we can control and it really helps. I don’t think it’s any surprise that (one of) the greatest golfer of all time is a practicing Buddhist.
At the very least, getting down on yourself and letting it linger will make things worse. I’m glad to hear your handicap is coming down, who knows with a little more work and positive attitude you can shave another 3-4 off of it in no time!
That’s great! 
Those are the kinds of mental game skills that I need to work more on for myself - I don’t compete, and I don’t maintain a handicap - but I still have way-too-optimistic expectations of myself / my golf game…