Playing with less than positive partners

The Mental Side of Things
#1

My Saturday morning group is certainly a diverse group as we play from three different tee boxes and we have ages that range from 37 - 82. Myself being the youngest of us. I am an 8 handicap, and my partners have a respectable game that they play also. But there is one person in the group that seems to struggle with the fact that he is getting older and doesn’t play like he used to. While he still shoot scores in the 80’s and I have seen him break 80 on occasion, there is a constant bickering that comes from his direction the entire time. I think the whole game would be more enjoyable for us and himself if he could just let the round evolve and play the holes.

If you have read the posts from Practical Golf in the past the issue is addressed more than once and I try to tune it out. But there is a constant undertone to the round that makes playing with this person less than desirable. The greens are too fast, or too slow. They don’t know how to set pins around here. Then he starts with all the things he is doing wrong and how he can’t hit the ball like he used to, having expectations of a + handicap player. Saying that he needs to see a pro etc. But the thing is- he only plays once a week and expects to make every 15 foot putt, hit every green and honestly I don’t know what kind of score would make him happy.

This is one reason why I read Practical Golf. It has brought me down to reality so I don’t act like this and bring other people down. And it helps my game!

Anyone else have this guy in their group? I have suggested positivity but it doesn’t seem to change anything…

#2

I play regularly with a similar age-diverse group almost weekly and have had a similar experience overall. It can be tough to tune out the bad attitudes and really can drain you mentally. If you give it some time, your buddy might come to grips with his elevated expectations but the best course of action is to talk about it with him. Don’t do it at the golf course, do breakfast or something. I bet he doesn’t even realize his attitude is affecting the rest of the group.

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#3

I play in a similar group (same age/skill range) and I am the youngest (at 46) and usually the low round of the day. We have a couple of guys like that in our group. My course makes you take a cart out on the weekends but I will walk when I am paired with one of these negative guys. I have a small Bluetooth speaker that I have attached to my bag and turn on some “happy” tunes and enjoy my round. This cuts down on the amount of complaining that I hear and I can forget about what I heard in between shots. Give it a try because unfortunately changing someone else’s behavior is usually not gonna happen.

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#4

If you’ve read the site, you know I’ve encountered this problem before. And I’ve even been that sulky golfer!

If you’ve spoken to him directly, and he hasn’t changed his behavior, I’m really not sure what else you can do other than try to ignore him and not let his attitude bring you down. Of course, you could also tell him to read Practical Golf :laughing:

#5

I vary from 0-2 handicap and there’s another guy that I play with a bunch who is the same. He can’t accept the fact that I could possibly be better than he is. Every time we play together he shots a million.

He could use a dose of practical golf, but I’m not going to tell him since I’d lose my advantage!

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#6

I put up with people like that for years because they were part of a group that I enjoyed playing with. Once I retired, about 2.5 years ago, I decided that enough is enough and since the major part of stress in my life was gone, I needed to knock off others pieces to really enjoy myself in retirement. Too many people out there take themselves far too seriously on the golf course. We all want to do our best but there is a reason that we are not feeing our families with our play on the golf course. Relax and enjoy this wonderful game.

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#7

One problem with trying to “tune it out” is that TRYING to ignore something is an action, so by default you’re thinking about it. Next time one of these annoyances or distractions happens out there, take a second to close your eyes, acknowledge that this thing exists and that’s there’s really nothing you can do about it. Acknowledge and name your own emotion as well “I’m annoyed by this”. Then open your eyes, smile and nod at the person’s comment and move on. It may seem useless, but being mindful of these things in the moment makes it much easier to just let them go and not continue to build and impact us.

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#8

haha, smart man! PG is an unfair competitive advantage

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#9

I think this is the other solution. I’ve removed people from my golf life that were not positive contributors. Our time on the course is special, why waste it with someone who can potentially create a toxic environment for you?

Sometimes that can’t be avoided amongst a group of friends, but I’ve always gravitated towards the people that I have fun with, and just stopped engaging with those who are too negative.

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#10

I like the idea of taking the conversation away from the course. I have only really tried to console him in the past and that was while playing. It seems like it is almost a habit to act like that while playing. Like I was saying overall he is a good golfer but he certainly lets things get the best of him while playing. Maybe I will bring something up to him during our post round beer. Thanks

#11

One of the first articles that I read was about expectations on the course. Golf is not life or death, and its supposed to be FUN! MY wife actually brought that to life to me one day after golf. It was some tough love but she said, Why the heck do you go out there and play that game when all you do is come home mad regardless of how played? It is never good enough for you- so I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!. I found practical golf and some books on the mental game and it has changed golf for me in a great way.

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#12

So I think it comes down to this, as a golfer, if you laugh at this video then you don’t take yourself too seriously and can acknowledge and move on from negative people. If this makes you angry then maybe you are the issue in your group.

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#13

Beer can (sometimes) solve problems like those. A few too many, and it could create more :joy:

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#14

We had a guy here who was famous for cursing. Multiple people refused to play with him. The good news was he moved to the Villages. Good luck to players there.

#15

I honestly used to be that guy. Probably because I was learning the game and couldn’t hit the ball no matter how he’s I tried. It gets frustrating. The regular guys I play with would laugh me off and not think much about it, maybe they cut me some slack because I was new. However, I’m very surprised they continued to invite me out to the course. I have learned that the happier and more relaxed I am, the better I play, what a novel concept. As I see random guys that play with us when we don’t have a fourth act in this certain way, I ask my friends if that’s how I used to act. They say worse (on most occasions). I then ask, why the hell did you guys keep inviting me then. It really does mess up your mojo when someone is so negative and uptight. The thing is, they never said anything to me. I guess it’s just taboo to say something? Interestingly enough, it seems as if we as golfers with a good attitude would say something (especially if it’s a regular we play with). The better question is why don’t we? Why do we subject ourselves to a person who would make a fun day feel like misery and instead of enjoying the day, you feel like the round can’t be over soon enough.

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#16

I think that’s what usually happens. If their behavior is so bad, they just isolate themselves and no one asks them to tee it up.

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#17

This. At some point in our golf lives we mature past playing with the good old boys to playing with the people we enjoy playing with.
I can score well and that’s fun, but being a dad with a young son and a busy life, I’m just glad to be playing when I get the chance. If some miserable person is going to make that a less than enjoyable experience then I don’t need to be playing with them.

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#18

This is 100% the answer. Life is too short to play golf with people that are not fun to play with…

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#19

:joy::rofl: this is hilarious. I totally forgot about that. Granted I laughed, I might get pissed if it were me, at least in the moment. The I would probably laugh.

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#20

I might be in the minority for this, but I’ve probably played 99% of my rounds as a single joined up with strangers. While I still can be impacted by them, I do think that has trained me somewhat to be better at keeping my focus on my own game. I’m not a robot out there or anything (and a decent person to play with IMO), but when I come in knowing that I could wind up playing with any type of person I think that allows me to let go of that part of the game a bit. On the odd occasion I play with someone I know, I still keep that basic mindset.

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