I’ve noticed that when I play with a friend of mine, who is a Plus Handicap and a long hitter, that I find myself trying to keep up with him. I start swinging too hard and get frustrated more easily, especially when birdies don’t come. It has nothing to do with this guy. He’s a great dude and a great friend. I just find myself pressing.
How do you work to just play your game, no matter who you’re playing with?
Long-term fix: mindfulness and focus exercises like what are describe in other threads to help you acknowledge the external stuff, but let it pass more easily and not distract you from the shot in front of you.
Band-aid for out on the course and you feel this coming on: Don’t watch his shots. The brain is always doing weird stuff and it could be that seeing his swings and watching the ball flight is influencing your visualization of what a good shot should be instead of what you shot is. Close your eyes if you have to, fiddle with a tee in your hand (out of his peripheral vision), or whatever you need to do to not be actively watching his game, just give a general “that’ll play alright” or something similar after.
Sure, you won’t be able to help him out if he didn’t see the ball’s line, but as a plus handicapper, that shouldn’t be happening anyways. 
I don’t watch my playing partners swing. Ever. It takes me out of my rhythm whether they’re long, short, or whatever. I never ever watch them swing. I’ll look down a fairway and watch for their ball, but never the swing.
I have to try that, because being a golf obsessive I love watching swings. Not that I want to copy them, but I’m just intrigued by the thousands of ways people play this game we love. It utterly fascinates me.
But it does sometimes take me out of my own round. So still be a good playing partner and watch the ball but not the swing.
I’ve never thought that watching others could affect my tempo…makes sense, though. I’m going to try this next round.
Just play your usual targets. Usually being a club more than everyone in our gang has taught me that.
This Saturday, on the first day of our yearly “Ryder Cup” tournament, I played with three guys who were hitting long irons well past my driver. I’m not short by “old man” standards, I probably carry it 240 or so, but these guys are strong! The couple of times they hit driver, they were more than 50 yards past me. I had to keep reminding myself to make my own swing, to do only what I know I can do. We played foursomes (alternate shot) on the first nine, so no score for my own ball, but I shot 38 on the back. I did lose a ball (plugged in the fairway, found it too late to play it), but was even par for the rest. I can’t tell anyone else how to accomplish that. There’s no way to be unaware of what the other guys are doing, but you have to put it out of your mind when its your turn to play.
I know guys who admit to being embarrassed by their play in front of low handicappers and I see how it affects their head/confidence. Maybe they played in the past with impatient low handicap guys who get frustrated by us guys who zig zag around the course. Doesn’t bother me at all. I just enjoy watching others play and the infinite amount of ways to swing a club and get round the course. I especially love playing young low handicappers who carry 280yds with a 3/4 swing and are always giving themselves birdie opportunities. There’s a few at my club and they are all great company. It’s like a live masterclass
I think the majority of low-handicap players don’t care too much about how anyone plays. What they do care about is usually how fast you do it though!
I’ve found that golf is such a mentally consuming activity that golfers over-estimate how much other players in their groups are paying attention to their round. The reality is we’re mostly thinking about our own game!
And thinking about how much the other golfers are thinking about our game. Vicious cycle all around!
I play with a lot of guys 20 - 30 years younger than me. I used to try to keep up with them and never could and it cost me several strokes. Quit doing that about 7 years ago and just play my game. Instead of me getting frustrated I let them get frustrated when my drive is 30 or so yards behind them consistently but my short game keeps me in the game.
Amen to this, I always want my playing partners to have a good day, and I’m generally aware of how successful they are, but I can’t remember ever “judging” someone based on their game. I’m too busy with my own problems.
When I really DO pay attention is when I’m in a match play situation. I’m not really judging, just evaluating my chances on each hole. And whether I’m at a disadvantage on a hole, or whether my opponent seems to have an edge, I really generally can’t (or shouldn’t) change the way I plan and execute a shot. Every once in a while the situation demands that I take a little extra risk, or play REALLY conservative, but I’d say 90% of the time I’m making the same choice I would in normal play.
I’ve fallen victim to this myself in match play, but I don’t think it’s the optimal strategy. Here are some thoughts:
Great article. I think a lot of brain chemistry would back up the idea as well. The brain really does line patterns and consistency, so playing “your game” really helps with that and is a big part of feeing “in the zone”. When you introduce a change into that, the brain is going to have stress reactions (beyond what might even be normal for a competitive scenario) and for most people that makes it more difficult to perform.
Yes!!! Play your game. Shoot your shots. Make your score. Just don’t hold up the world doing it.
Hmmm. Seems to me… If you’re good friends and he knows he’s better than you, then he’s not expecting you to “beat” him - instead he’s most likely rooting for you to play your best golf…
“Swing Your Swing” 
This is true. He’s my biggest fan when I’m playing.
My issue is I start trying to match him because if my own dumb brain, not because of anything he’s doing.
Early fall, I played with another senior lady (one with experience!) and her grand nephew. Both I and the boy way outshot her on the tee. BUT she played her own game (GOOD with the wedges) and outscored us. Have to play your own game!